Dear as-yet unidentified leprotic urethral dripping, who lives in my apartment complex
Last week, when I was doing the laundry, I took someone else's clothes out of the driers, both of which had finished their cycles. The clothes were, as one would imagine -being fresh from the drier- quite dry. I then, as is the order of these things, put my wet clothes into the driers, inserted the absurd $2.00 into the slots, and went about my business. I returned an hour later, intending to remove & fold this laundry, only to discover that someone had opened both driers, leaving them ajar, which ran out the timer, and left my clothes wet.
So I was forced to insert two more dollars, and waste another god-damned hour of my time waiting for the clothes to dry.
I must confess that I immediately assumed the driers had been opened by the person whose clothes I had removed, in some act of petulant vengeance for daring touch their garments. However, I thought it through, and worked very hard at circumnavigating my standard "Assume The Worst Of People" stance, which led me to the calmer notion that it was just someone making a dumb-ass mistake, and that, though my time & money had been wasted, this is the way of things, and we all fuck up stupid shit at times.
Oh, but wait; I was doing laundry again today, and I removed some finished clothes from a drier (only one this time), went about the same series of coin insertion, button pressing, and returning an hour later... & it had fucking happened again.
I am no longer of a mind to work with the notion that someone had made a foolish mistake.
Someone was being an ass-monkey.
So, you feculent excretion, let me explain something that even your tiny, little mind should be capable of absorbing: This is a 26 unit building, and I honestly cannot say how many residents are housed in those 26 units, but I assure you it is far more than 26. In this 26 unit building we have one laundry room, with two washers, & two driers. Yeah... when someone else needs to do laundry, and your shit is dry, it will be removed from the machine & placed on the folding table.
This is not an offense, or a slight; it is a matter of expedince, efficiency & economy. It is an example of a tacit social contract, which ensures that a relatively large group of people can function with a dearth of resources, and without complicated scheduling.
In closing; just be aware that if I find out who you are, and you do anything short of kissing my ass, I will rapidly & forcefully insert my size 13 sneaker into your rectum, then proceed to eat your young.
Sincerely,
Rev. Sinclair Klugarsh
