Yeah, I got married.
May 17th, 2006, at 12:45 pm, in Las Vegas, Nevada.
There was no Elvis impersonator involved (refer to photos).
The following is what I wrote for my speech (fuck some vows, I'm going to ramble).
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To explain -or, more precisely, to offer fumbling attempts at exposition, by which we are so readily characterized & identified- as to why we stand where we stand is a fool's prerogative to such a profound degree as to render it utterly pedestrian, the ugliest of traits.
To be a pragmatist in a romantic's world is a terrible struggle, and to be a romantic in a pragmatist's facade is a painful briar patch of ego.
I'm never quite certain of my standing in that continuum, but I know that so long as I stand in it, I will be fighting.
That's the real trouble with being one. It's a tired cliche to expound on the virtues of a united front against a violent world, but far more important, I believe, than a side-arm against groups of people wearing arm-bands is a partner in the vicious, tooth, nail, claw & blood fight against the ego & the monster of the isolated self.
We will never own the world, win the battle, or get out the front door without that other person to be certain that our shoes are tied, our cigarettes are lit, our coffee is creamed, & our egos are pointed in the right direction.
But after more than thirty years, fighting has become a well entrenched habit, forming a seemingly terminal baring of the teeth into a cynical grimace. It often leaves us feeling that a partner -who offers new perspectives, soft landings, and swift kicks - is an alien force, rather than a pillar. Our cynicism, which has protected us for so long, becomes an enemy.
Some words, two rings & a contract will not undo a lifetime of struggle, but they are the promise of a new lifetime where we no longer struggle alone. It is not a promise of some mythical ease or simplicity, but it is an acknowledgment that we are not here by accident, with some bozo we picked up off the strip; we are here with full awareness & full intent. We are here to promise that for every coming tomorrow we have something larger to work for than simple self interest, and that every new decision will be made remembering that "I" is no longer a singular. No longer an isolated gig.
Sitting in the theatre with you last night I realized that I was doing something I had never done before. I was just watching the show.
It doesn't sound like much, but when it occurred to me to open the playbill in the dark to see how the show was supposed to run -so I knew how long I would be there, and when to begin thinking about the return trip, and where to eat, and whether I would get a drink at the bar, or go back to the room- I simply decided that this was not useful, and turned my attention back to the show. I just watched it, analyzed it & laughed at it.
I took it for what it was. That was all there needed to be, but it was something I was never able to teach myself.
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Of course I left that in Ayize's hotel room, and was left to improvise.
Ah well.
The song was Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah
